Suppose I accidentally got my shit together
Would I get a medal?
Or a pat on the back and a little feather
I could stick in my cap or pin it to my shirt
Go out in the yard and poke it in the dirt
Or leave it in the woods where it couldn't be found
If it fell over, would it make a sound?
And if it did, would it be the sound that you like?
Or should I do it over until I get it right?

You say everything I know is wrong
So do me a favor, and play along
As the rusty gears turn
Don't be alarmed if you smell something burning upstairs
It's a little BB rolling around in a box car
See us together

Maybe it wouldn't be hard to explain
If I only had a brain

(chorus)
Somewhere on a higher mental plain
I might learn to come in from the rain
If I had a clue would I still be here with you?
Gee whiz, if I only had a brain


Who's that?
Oh, my little friend cupid
Wearing a shirt that says I'm with stupid
Always nearby wherever I go
He's looking out for me, don't you know

Mr. Excitement, never in a rut
Johnny on the spot with an arrow in the butt
Ouch! I guess your love is true
Now, if I could only get a clue

Maybe it wouldn't be hard to explain
If I only had a brain